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Safeway Brand Sandwichesby jamie flam For those of you fortunate enough to have a Safeway Shopping Center within the vicinity of your work or home, you are most likely aware of the Deli that lies within. At any given point during the day, a certain hungry someone is free to wander in and order a delcious deli sandwich of their choice. The best part is that with a club card it only cost four bucks, and for an extra buck they'll throw in a salad or bag of chips and a drink. For someone like me that prefers to throw away their money on expensive cocktails and other pleasantries (frappucinos), this type of budget dining suits me perfectly on a entirely sporadic basis. But while the price is right, it has become apparent to me over the course of the past few visits that much skill is necessary in getting the sandwich you want. Being a former sandwich maker myself, quite recently in fact at Saul's Jewish Deli in Berkeley, I know that it's easy to immediately forget the order that was just placed, but the people at the Safeway I frequent (kinda Jackson/Batteryish park area) take forgetfulness to a new level. You'll ask for turkey on wheat with lettuce, tomato, onion, and mustard and they will repeat it back to you immediately: "That was turkey on rye, right, with everything?" Which is, if you read the preceding sentence not at all what you had ordered. So you have to go there knowing that you may have to repeat yourself. You also must pay close attention, because even after you repeat it, they will undoubtedly construct the sandwich to their liking. When you see them pick up that mayo you are gonna have to yell, which in turn makes them mutter their desire for you to go to hell under their breath, but ignore it. You've been sentenced to hell by other food service employees in your time, I know, I was one of them. While it may briefly make them feel better, it in no way has any bearing on whether you actually go to hell when you die. Although if you get the wrong employee it could lead to a quicker death. But enough about death and onto some more guidance when ordering sandwiches!! **Helpful Hints** -Try not to get the deaf guy that works there. As you could imagine you are walking straight into the beehive when that happens. Not to say that deaf people don't make a super delicious sandwich. They just can't hear. And when you get extra roast beef instead of extra mustard on your veggie sandwich, don't look at me. - Split a sandwich with a friend. These fuckers really go to town on the sandwiches. Stack it higher than one of them super high trees you see from time to time, metaphorically speaking. (I used that exaggeration to really get it in your head how big these guys can be.) - Older doesn't mean nicer. You'd think that the kindly older gentleman at the counter are, well, kindlier. They aren't. They are malicious blood sucking bastards. - Splurge.For fifty extra cents they have this pepper medley spread that'll totally make you flip. And when I say flip, I mean smile in happy delicious goodness. - Avoid standing in line anywhere around Chris and I. We like to make comments about the things we see around us. For example the deaf guy. And the old guy. And a lot of talk about the pepper medley. - Make it a picnic. Directly across from the Safeway over here is a park where lots of people go to eat ther lunches on nice sunny days. I would imagine that the same goes for every single other Safeway in the entire country, if not world. Go there. It's nice. That said, I hope to see plenty of fellow lunchboxers at Safeway for lunch in coming weeks! |
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