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"Kangaroo Jack": Kids Movie or Diabolical Government Experiment? by alfie fonchino By now you've seen the ads. Some idiot puts his jacket, which happens to contain $50,000, on a roadkill kangaroo. When it turns out the kangaroo is very much alive, the same idiot teams with his idiot pal to chase the damn thing down. Yes, my friends, "Kangaroo Jack" opens this Friday. Now to me, a movie where two dumbasses chase a kangaroo around the outback seems like a monumentally bad idea. Let me emphasize. Not just monumentally bad. Supernaturally bad. Cosmically bad. Lobotomy patient bad. Screw a thousand monkeys... five monkeys sharing one IBM Selectric missing the "E" could come up with a better idea in ten minutes. So who could have possibly conceived this screenplay, shopped it around Hollywood, found actors (well, Jerry O'Connell) willing to attach the turd to their resumes, secured financing and actually brought it to life? I'll tell you: The US government. That's right, "Kangaroo Jack" is the first movie written and produced by CIA agents, designed to determine just how much stupidity the American public can handle. If you don't IMMEDIATELY react with hostility, rage, confusion, sadness or terror upon being confronted with the plot of "Kangaroo Jack," well, my friend, it's too late for you. Good luck, and I'll see you next summer at "Crocodile Dundee 4: Crikey, I Need Money!" 
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