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 Classics - Lists - Columns - Interviews - Fan Fiction - Cartoons - Reviews - Guides - Fiction  22 Of The Best Truthfully Titled Porn Films Availableby paws o'henry More than anything else, lunchboxing loves earnest, sincere pornographic films. But for some reason the adult motion picture industry refuses to level with fans about what they're really buying, renting, and watching in ill-lit booths at that place next to the check-cashing store. For example, are the sexy cheerleader nurses on the DVD box really nurses? Or just cheerleaders dressed as nurses? Are those upskirt hidden camera shots taken in real bathrooms, or just Hollywood sound stages made to look like real bathrooms? Always looking out for our honesty-loving, pervy readers, paws o'henry offers this list of the 22 best truthfully-titled porn films available: More   55 Businesses Most Adversely Affected By The Atkins Diet Crazeby jamie flam and devon lester murphy The recent explosion of Atkins inspired carbohydrate free diets has become inavoidable in the past few months. But pounds aren't the only thing that are dropping like flies... many businesses, some of which were open for decades, are having to close their doors as a result of America's current infatuation with the supposed evils of carbs. Lunchboxing has done some research into businesses that have recently filed Chapter 11, and the results were alarmingly tell-tale. Please join us in paying homage to the recently fallen. More  No Kama Sense: 47 Unappealing Sex Actsby jason betrue, jamie flam and chris weisbart If you are living in a stale marriage, or are a sexual deviant, chances are pretty good that you have heard of the Kama Sutra - the classic Indian guide to Lovemaking. Within this book are hundreds of glorious descriptions of how to inject yours and your partners' love life with magical pleasure. What you probably didn't know is that the Kama Sutra recently opened up its pages to publically submited sexual positions. Many new positions were added, much to the delight of fans of the HBO series Real Sex around the globe. However...there were a few suggested sexual positions that didn't quite make the cut. After enacting a plan to infiltrate Kama Sutra Headquarters that involved foot-sized suction cups, flashlights, black masks, and a Doberman Pinscher, Lunchboxing.com was able to obtain the list of those sumissions deemed non-Kama Sutra worthy. Enjoy. More  29 Things Michael Jackson Looks More Like Than A Human Beingby jason betrue, jamie flam and chris weisbart 1. gravel quarry 2. volcanic "something" More  50 Words and Phrases To Describe Bea Arthur's Vagina Part 1 / Part 2
by jason betrue, jamie flam and chris weisbart 1.Arid 2.No Man's Land 3.Penis 4.Ol' ShopVac More  65 Side Effects of Mort's Magical Miracle Plumpness Reduction SalveA hearty, abundant carriage might seem to proclaim "I live by way of pleasure!" But recent work by research-scienticians suggests that a swinely figure may have adverse effects on other bodily functions, including "breathing" and "heart pumpage." While regular exercise and a more thoughtful eating schedule may be a good solution for the long-term, let us now speak frankly: sport, frolick, and recreation are tiresome and take away from important time meant to be spent enjoying sugar-pastries, confections, and fatty meat products. Luckily, a man named Mort has came with a salve to make the extra chunkiness fly away like a chubby cherub into the high heavens. Just rub daily and wait patiently. Thank you, kindly, sirs and ma'dams. More  44 Things to do in your tricked out pre-1992 Honda/Acura!by jason betrue, jamie flam and chris weisbart 1. Place bouncing cartoon characters on dashboard 2. Have awkward sex with your intensely uncommunicative girlfriend 3. Not look for a job More  54 Euphemisms For Jerking Itby jason betrue, jamie flam, quarterbar, and chaz weinheart Masturbating is something that we do because it feels fantasmic. But sometimes there are just not enough words in the English language to describe the act and it's subsequent glory. That's why there are so many eupehmisms for the act of jerkin' it sweetly. Here are exactly 54 of them. More  53 Least Popular Halloween Treats For Kidsby jason betrue, jamie flam, quarterbar, and chaz weinheart 1. "Skattles" 2. gummy knives 3. Cyanidies More  42 things Renee Zellweger Will Ingest When She Needs A Quick Buzzby quarterbar, jamie flam, devon lester murphy, and paws o'henry 1. A shitload of taco sauce 2. The ol' Rolled up Car Windows + Aqua Net routine 3. Beef boullion and Peach Schnapps More  26 Pick-Up Lines For Those In Long-Term Relationshipsby jason betrue, jamie flam, paws o'henry, and chaz weinheart Any website can do a list of pickup lines for the singles scene, but what about people who've been in a relationship for more than a year? They too need subtle and convincing ways to communicate their need to get laid. Here are some lines to help people in long-term relationships spice things up with a little pillow talk.... sexual pillow talk. More  50 Ways To Leave Your Loverby jason betrue, jamie flam, quarterbar, mike senese, and chris weisbart 1. Rowboat 2. In dire financial straits 3. "The Escape Hatch" More  Pornatorium: 46 Ways People Are Venting Their Sexual Energyby paws o'henry, millikin st. anne, and jamie flam In recent weeks, many adult film companies have declared a moratorium on filming, citing something called "fear of AIDS." (We aren't making this up; for information, buy a newspaper.) This moratorium is bad news for consumers of pornographic films, who are always looking for, you know, "material." So given this porn shortage, how are people venting their sexual energy? We've made a helpful list: More  25 Rules For Lunchboxing FIGHT CLUB!drafted by jason betrue, jamie flam, and chris weisbart Gentleman, welcome. This is Lunchboxing Fight Club. If you've been here before, you know there are rules. Rules you must abide by. You have a choice. You play by these rules, or you don't. If you don't, well, plan on people talking shit as soon as you leave, and look forward to an expanded set of rules that put your shennanigans on display at future meetings. We will NOT tolerate anything less. That said, there are only 200 or so rules for LUBO Fight Club, so listen up! More  47 Things That Don't Get Enough Media Coverageby paws o'henry 1. Iditarod 2. How they're coming on that new Indiana Jones movie 3. Which real cities inspired Metropolis and Gotham More  Courtney Love's Valentine's Day To-Do Listby jason betrue and jamie flam Wake up, Lipstick, Determine present location, Appropriate transportation home, Smoke Cigarette, Mix uppers and downers, Pose with daughter, Francis Bean for picture, kissing her on cheek, Give daughter to handlers, Find fix, Heroin, PCP, Champagne, Lipstick, Expose breasts, Scream, Soil smock, Laugh followed by quick belch, Botox injection, Expose vagina, Surf the web More  LUBO's 50 Favorite Christian Rappersby the wesh board all-stars Not much to explain here. Lubo is on some Ol' Testament shit, courtesy of this list from the WESH All Stars. Weshies and LUBO together, now you know you're in trouble. With Jesus. More  50 Things Warren Beatty Will Have Sex Withby jamie flam and chris weisbart 1. "cheetah fur" 2. "fake cheetah fur" 3. "cheetah print" More  57 Things Ashton Does With Demiby jason betrue, jamie flam and chris weisbart 1. "Eats salad" 2. Buries his face in her Jaga-Boobs 3. Just hangs out or whatever More  75 Suspicious Movies Police Found in MJ's DVD Collectionby jason betrue and jamie flam Earlier this week the Santa Barbara Police Department raided Michael Jackson's carnivalesque coastal home known as the Neverland Ranch. The raid prompted an immediate media feeding frenzy, as well as the familiar speculations of pederasty on the part of the King of Pop. More  31 Things Ronald Reagan will do in Heaven
by chaz weinhart 1. Practice a "trickle down" theory of his own when his bladder is full 2. Enter heaven to a cheering slew of high-fives 3. Find his colon More  14 Ways George Tenet Will Spend His Retirement
by paws o'henry, chaz weinheart, and jamie flam CIA Director George Tenet has resigned, citing "personal reasons." How will the head of the spy agency spend his retirement? More  15 Things My Tivo Thinks I Am, But I Am Not
by brian ekberg I got a Tivo about three months ago and that, in itself, is the very definition of SWASS (SWEET + ASS). But - and this is a very big BUT - I have a bone to pick with the things it chooses to record when I'm not looking. See, Tivo has this feature whereby it will tape shows it thinks you will like so that, just in case you are sick of yet another episode of "The Sopranos" you can instead view an episode or two of "Joe Millionaire" or "A-Team" or whatever else the shit you want to watch. More  31 Ways To Lose A Guy In Ten Days
by jason betrue, jamie flam, and chris weisbart By now you surely have heard of the new Matthey McConaughey / Kate Hudston romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days." We won't pretend that we really know what it's about, but in true Lunchboxing fashion we have come up with a list of foolproof ways that you can shake that unwanted beau in less than a week and a half. So, without further ado... More  12 Ways Paris Hilton Would Be Different If She Were Male
by paws o'henry 1. Name would be even more retarded 2. Semi-nude pictorals with little sister would still be disturbing and incestuous, but not as sexy More  8+ Reasons The 'Got Milk' Ad Campaign Is Still Hilariousby jason betrue, jamie flam, and paws o'henry Milk is one of those "few things in life." But take it away and all of a sudden conundrums appear. So please read this for informative information. Unless of course... Well, you get the pictures! More  55 Things LUBO Is Thankful Forby jason betrue, jamie flam and chiara triska Since it is Thanksgiving time we thought we would make a list of things we are thankful for. After this thought occured we decided to follow through on our actions. The following list is the physical manifestation of these actions. "Physical" meaning "virtual." More  70 Things You Can Expect To Find In Your Pillowcase After Trick-or-Treating at Edward James Olmos' Houseby jason betrue and jamie flam 1. Vaseline (out of container) 2. Tulips 3. Chapstick More  45 Things Halle Berry Will Do To Get Her PCP Fixby jamie flam and chris weisbart The world loooooooooves Halle Berry. And why shouldn't we? She's charming, intelligent, insanely gorgeous. and have you seen her tatas?!? But Hollywood's little pixie didn't get her wings without a little help. Help from a friend we like to call... ANGELDUST. That's right, folks. No angel ever soared the heights of Tinseltown as high without some PCP, and assuming the rumor mills are even half way accurate, Halle is probably all hopped up on horse tranquilizers as we write this. If not, she's out to get some, and based on foresight and a little bit of insider information, we are proud to share with you a few things she is willing to do to get a bag of the ace, the rocket fuel, the CRYSTAL SUPERGRASS out of your hands: More  23 Biggest Surprises About the 2004 Democratic National Conventionby paws o'henry 1. In acceptance speech, Kerry vows to begin "new era of giving unions whatever they want" 2. Judeo-Muslim Golf Outing for Peace 3. No one has read "Fast Food Nation" More  Arnold Schwarzenegger's First 100 Days In Officeby jason betrue, jamie flam, paws o'henry, and chris weisbart Day 1: "Fuck the shit out of some NorCal pussy" Day 2: Make breakfast with a blender 100 times Day 3: Call Secretary of State's Office, admit it was all a joke More  15 Surprises in the last episode of "Friends"by jason betrue, jamie flam, paws o'henry, and chris weisbart 1. It's funny 2. Turns out Chandler's a ghost 3. Monica's baby has a baby More  63 Things Eminem Wipes his Ass Withby jason betrue and jamie flam Check out this cool letter we got from Pop Sensation EMINEM!!! [letter] We were floored! Anyways, as big fans of his "work", we couldn't help but feel obligated to print his words. So here are, in the order in which he sent them to us, 63 Things Eminem Wipes His Ass With. More  33 Rejected Trailblazer Pledge Pointsby dan fazio If you follow professional sports, which you probably don't, you may have heard that the Portland Trailblazers recently released a 25-point list detailing the "pledges" the front office will make to fans and players. The Jailblazers, as they've come to be known, are notorious for felonious behavior. More  40 Ways California Governor Gray Davis Can Keep His Jobby jason betrue, jamie flam, and paws o'henry 1. Go to the bathroom right before they close the office, stay in stall with feet pulled up on toilet. 2. Send out promotional coupons for a free Penguins small frozen yogurt with 1 (one) topping to all voters. 3. When they come to kick him out, say, "What's that behind you?" then run back into office. More  LUBO Eye For The Dumb Ideaby jason betrue, jamie flam, and paws o'henry Despite complaints that its premise blindly reinforces stereotypes, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy has been a major success and spurned plans for dozens of spin-offs using the show's proven formula. Lunchboxing's jason betrue, jamie flam, and paws o'henry offer you this sneak preview of the networks' other ideas for the fall TV season. More  233 Things Danny Glover Is Getting Too Old Forby jason betrue, jamie flam, and chris weisbart 1. miniature golf 2. regular golf 3. chasing terrorists/chasing his dog around More  LUBO's 25 Greatest Regional Hitsby paws o'henry Recently VH1 released a list of the 100 best songs of the last 25 years. But what about the regional hits that got major play on local radio even if they never made it big nationally? Lunchboxing's Paws O'Henry compiled this list to help readers across the nation celebrate the local flavor of their dreary sad-sack hometowns. More  34 Phrases To Describe The Hulk's Junkby alfie fonchino With the new "Hulk" movie about to hit theaters, now is as good a time as ever to raise the age-old question: What happens to Bruce Banner's penis when he turns into the Hulk? Clearly, the answer is that it becomes a Hulk-penis, but that of course begs another question: What exactly does Hulk-cock look like? We may never know for sure, but that's no reason we shouldn't speculate. Here are the 34 words and phrases that might possibly capture the essence of the Hulk's mutated genitalia. More  69 Ways Spring-Breakers Are Protesting The War In Iraqby jeff berson, jason betrue, jamie flam, and chris weisbart 1. Pouring 40 oz's to all the dead Iraqi homies 2. Refusing to make out with more than 3 chicks on any given night 3. Thinking about doing anal for the first time More  Love Is A Battlefield: 27 Sexually Charged War Termsby jason betrue and jamie flam I was thirteen years old during the first Gulf War. I remember watching the news and thinking "War is crazy!". Then I went into my room and jerked off like no tommorow, thinking about girls I might potentially french. Twelve years later, we are one day into a new Gulf War and my thoughts haven't changed much at all: War is still crazy, not to mention unjustified, and I still want to go in my room and jerk off like no tommorow, thinking about girls I might potentially french. It can be difficult, however, to keep my mind on the job "at hand" when I am surrounded by images of war at all times. But with a little imagination, it's not so hard to find some sexually charged words within the lexicon of war-speak. More  Top 10 Video Games Of All Timeby dan fazio Forget graphics. Forget realism. The best video games have replay value. Sure, you could have a 42 million color background with Active Shadow Placement or Franchise Mode with Torn ACL Generator, but if the gameplay stinks, who cares? These 10 games out-fun the SimDMVs of the world and consistently dunk in reality's face. More  12 Lessons From Elizabeth Smart's Rescueby dan fazio We at lunchboxing.com are grateful that missing15-year-old Elizabeth Smart has returned to her family after being abducted from their home nine months ago. A self-proclaimed prophet for the homeless and his wife are in police custody, but what have we learned from this story? We talked to dozens of law enforcement officials to assemble the following list. More  34 Menus For A Changing Nationby jeff berson, jamie flam, eric steuer, rey valle and chris weisbart For those of you not in the know, in retaliation for the vile and wicked nation of France's lack of support on the Iraq crisis, all Congressional cafeterias will be serving "Freedom Fries" and "Freedom Toast" instead of their French namesakes. More  24 Good And Bad Effects Of Saddam Husseiins Captureby paws o'henry Good: No need to hold one of those annoying elections next year; Howard Dean able to spend more time with his family, New York Post headline bound to be hilarious, Dead U.S. soldiers rise Lazarus-like screaming "U-S-A! U-S-A!" More  19 Signs Mike Tyson Is turning His Life Aroundby paws o'henry 1. New Tyson: "catch and release" policy. Old Tyson: baby eater 2. No longer seeking matchup with The Hulk 3. Glass Jaw Joe and Piston Honda officially back on birthday list More  26 Upcoming Reese Witherspoon Vehiclesby the wesh board all-stars Stealing Equal: A romantic comedy about a young homeless girl (Witherspoon) who steals packets of artificial sweetner from a local Starbucks not realizing it's free if you purchase coffee. She falls for the guy behind the counter, who gives her free coffee so as to make her not feel so bad about "stealing equal". More  Project Green Light: 20 Toketastic Movies To Watch Forby jason betrue, jamie flam, and chris weisbart We at lunchboxing.com recently asked ourselves, what does the motion picture industry need? The answer was simple: We thought it was HIGH TIME someone made another movie about Marijuana. About smoking weed. About the beauty and magic that is "Pot Culture." Because everyone in the entire world can relate to Smoking Weed. I mean, we love weed. And we know you do too. A lot. Of weed, that is. To be smoked. On this GREEN earth. More 21 Facts About John Kerryby paws o'henry Republican political operatives have spent months digging up dirt on Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry, and shared some of their findings with lunchboxing. Here are just a few of the things they've found about the Massachusetts senator: More  10 Great Entertaining Charactersby dan fazio What does it take to be a great character? You have to be original, or at least really, really sexy. Being funny helps. And you have to have appeared on television or in a movie within the last fifty years or so. Keeping all that in mind, here are the best characters ... ever! More |
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