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Things Ronald Reagan will do in Heaven by chaz weinhart Practice a "trickle down" theory of his own when his bladder is full Enter heaven to a cheering slew of high-fives Find his colon Drink heavily JeLlYbEaNz!!!! Sell arms to dead Iranians for 1000 virgins/secretly devert virgins to dead Contra rebels. Finally have sex again for the first time in 40 years Download and sell illegal music Swing around town with Kennedy and Sinatra Driveby super-soaker Lennin and Marx Eat a low fat, high fiber diet... NOT Come back to earth to grant wishes and teach pogniant lessons to common everyday folks Crack a joke, smile Apologize to all the dead babies Re-inact "ghost" pottery wheel scene with Nancy Finally learn how to juggle Water-ski on a lake of syrup and dance in sugar covered cookie hills Nuke the living shit out of something Get a mohawk "Fishin' with Strom" Cut funding to Purgatory, leaving souls to aimlessly wander homeless Compassionately conserve things Dunk Leave earth with the highest public approval rating since FDR Finally realize you really can't take it with you Eat an unlimited amount of cookies gleefully, then in horror realize there is no milk Haunt an Outback Steakhouse poltergeist-style in response to their "no rules, just right" policy Swim in a sea of vagina Literallty become a Fruit Roll Up for a few days Finally understand Windows 95 Arm heaven to the fucking teeth Complain about all the heat and flames |
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