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The 2002-2003 Los Angeles Lakers season ended without another championship trophy. Since professional basketball is only a part-time job, players like Kobe Bryant often must find alternate means to make ends meet during the long, hot, sun-on-beach laden summer. Now Bryant may need another occupation more than ever to pay for some extra lawyer bills. Bryant once attempted on off-season music career. Before American Idol swept the nation with its tasty brand of consumer snaps, crackles and pops, hip-hop was the rage. Bryant, quick to cash in and express his poetic crossover, recorded an album. Tyra Banks sang the chorus on the lead single. (She's been humming into fellow hip hopper and NBA star Chris Webber's microphone since.) But Bryant's single dropped in stores, then off the radar. The album was never released. Many other sports personalities have also recorded songs and albums that for one reason or another remain unreleased. While Bryant's failed single and Allen Iverson's shelved Gangsta Smack Up album are the most infamous examples, there are many more athletes turned crooners with lesser-known failures. Please take a few moments to learn of these flops to impress friends between rounds of Outburst next Saturday night. 
Athlete: Tennis star Andre Agassi Album: 30-Love Soft rock-rap stylings would seem to come naturally to cue-ball headed Agassi. The sweet words, "I prefer your grass court, mold you like a clay court," allow tennis and non-tennis fans to explore the world of hard-core sex in the pro tennis circuit. The album was doomed, however, by slander cases. Pete Sampras didn't seem to mind "Sampras Stamped" but Brooke Shields let Barbara Walters and Los Angeles District Court know that "Babbling Brooke" was clearly out of bounds. Now that was one "court" Agassi couldn't prevail upon! 
Athlete: Kirby Puckett Song: "Respect'N Women" f/ R. Kelly A joint venture doomed to fail. The roly-poly Puckett was searching for a new avenue to explore besides the buffet table. He and R. Kelly recorded a track they hoped would be a modern day anthem for strong females like Aretha Franklinšs "Respect" or Wreckx-N-Effect's Rump Shaker. "Respect'N Women" was a mediocre single at best despite Kelly's sexy croon and Puckett's over-the-fence raps. The video for the track solidified the song's failure. During production at a Chicago nightclub, the music video shoot turned from innocent misogyny to full-blown porn. The video can currently be seen in Chicago and Minneapolis District Court. 
Athlete: Recently fired Iowa State basketball coach Larry Eustachy Album: Larry's Late-Nighters (?) This is an album that has yet to be titled and released, but with Eustachy currently having a little extra down time, it may get a crack at the public. Eustachy doesn't so much rap as produce. With fast-paced party jams sure to rival Robert Miles and anything Miami can pump out, we have a possible winner here. Eustachy is not just the producer; he's also a client who has guaranteed the jams for pure party use. Grab a co-ed and go wild! 
Athlete: Fanny Letourneau Album: Fanny Shakin' While not quite as famous as Anna Kozlova and Becky Jasontek, Letourneau is in the upper echelons of synchronized swimmers, making her an international sensation. Little needs to be said about Letourneau and her highly anticipated album Fanny Shakin', which led her to enter into seclusion and later shun all recording equipment. The media blitz for this famed Canadian Olympian was so hot she had to climb out of the pool and hide behind closed doors to dodge paparazzi. After this and her hard-core rap album that represented for synchronized swimming, a burnout was inevitable. |
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