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Lunchboxing Fan Fiction Presents: Celebrity Fiction Corner "Where famous celebrities write fiction about their fans." Marci's Surprise by Matt "Joey from Friends" LeBlanc  Marci Robison woke up suddenly one morning, late for her job at Best Buy or whatever. "Oh, no," she thought suddenly, "If I don't make my day job, I won't be able to pay my mortgage, or whatever worries us little people." She made coffee, suddenly, then hopped into the shower, suddenly. While soaping up her unenhanced breasts, it dawned to her suddenly that today was a special day: Payday! She and her other working-class pals can get drunk at local watering-hole without it suddenly appearing as an item in Page Six! Suddenly. It would be like the Friends episode, "The One Where Ross Gets Paid, Then Drunk," except Joey gets all the funny lines, yeah. Marci sat down for breakfast. Like celebrity Matt LeBlanc, Marci was on the Grapefruit Diet. She ate three grapefruit halves, a glass of grapefruit juice, and when her handlers weren't looking (like commonfolks have handlers!), she scarfed down two boxes of Frosted Strawberry Pop-Tarts. Oh God, they sound so good, those Goddamned Frosted Strawberry Pop-Tarts. How I want another box right now! Marci had a pleasant drive to work, and not once did a fellow driver roll down their window and yell, "I want to suck your cock, Chandler!" She pulled into the parking lot of Best Buy and walked, sans bodyguards, to work. "Marci," said a co-worker, "Bossman wants to see you now." "I'm so nervous," Marci said, innocently like someone who hasn't yet been sodamized by the cruel god of show-business. Marci walked into the boss's office. "You wanted to see me, sir?" "Yes," said the boss. He paused, then said, "I'm sorry I couldn't think of a snappier retort, but this is real life, not a sit-com." Marci sighed. How true. "I'm giving you a raise," bossman said. "Two million per episode, only 18 episodes for the season, and, Marci?" "Yes, boss?" "You get a sweeter slice of the syndication pie." "What about a possible spin-off?" Marci asked. "Depends on Schwimmer. And Kudrow." It always depended on Schwimmer and Kudrow. "Those fucking bitches," Marci said. THE END...? |
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