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 Your Doritos Horoscope for 8.15.02by Mike SpiegelmanNACHO CHEESE Flavor (Mar 21 - Apr 20) Life is good, Nacho Cheese, except, deep in your heart, you know things can only be nacho cheesier. COOL RANCH Flavor (Apr 21 - May 21) People will treat you like an enigma today. This is due to your confusing flavor description and aloof nature. SALSA VERDE Flavor (May 22 - Jun 21) You seem to be "trying too hard," what with your overwhelming flavor and salty green powder. Perhaps you'll be more popular dunked in real salsa. QUESO GRANDE Flavor (Jun 22 - Jul 23) You need to lose some weight. Remember the days when you were just Queso Regular? FIERY RANCH Flavor (Jul 24 - Aug 23) Do not smoke in bed. Blow out any unattended lit candles or blazing fires in the fireplace. ZESTY SOUR CREAM AND CHEDDAR Flavor (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Troubles with a loved one. Maybe it is because your lover is lactose-intolerant. BOLD BBQ Flavor (Sept 24 - Oct 23) People will take notice of you, and may find you arrogant. Try to show your hint of molasses sweet side. SPICY NACHO Flavor (Oct 24 - Nov 22) You will cause severe stomach cramps to ignorant 12 year olds. ANCHOVY PEPPERONI Flavor (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You don't exist, but, man, if you did, that would be so sweet. FOUR CHEESE Flavor (Dec 22 - Jan 20) With your sun is in Cheddar and your house in Parmesan, I see good things today, Four Cheese. However, try not to neglect Monterey Jack or American. TACO Flavor (Jan 21 - Feb 19) No matter how cool a concept you are, Taco Flavor, keep reminding yourself that you're no substitute for an actual meal. TOASTED CORN Flavor (Feb 20 - Mar 20)- No one likes you. |
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