Editorial: A Call to Action to Stop the Klan



by paws o'henry

A closely divided Supreme Court ruled Monday that universities across this great land can make admissions decisions based partly on race, a decision sure to add to our long national debate about the best means of achieving true equality and fairness for all citizens.

Some Americans believe affirmative action balances the scales after years of social, racial and economic inequality rooted in slavery and decades of segregation and racism both subtle and covert. Others consider it a form of tokenism that does more to divide than to heal.

Ending the Debate

But let's put this painful debate behind us. Now is the time to focus on the Klan.

You know who I'm talking about: Klansmen who refuse to take seats on the bus next to gays, minorities or Catholics; and who call and complain the next day when you set them up on blind dates with people of color. We're talking about the Klansmen who tied up Sandra Bullock in the heroic John Grisham adaption A Time to Kill, and who say they aren't anti-anything, they're just pro-white.

They suck. And we all agree they suck, be we white or black or Hispanic or even Muslim. We are united in our certainty of the Klan's suckiness.

Go Time

Get ready; on three. This is it. Three-two-one.

It's go time.

We need to stop worrying about racial profiling and equal funding for schools and the other things that make people confused. The real threats to our nation are the mean-spirited, always-ready-with-a-sarcastic remark members of the Klan. The Klansmen who don't clean up after their dogs after a big cross-burning, and who drive in the fast lane at like 54 mph, who shout out answers to the trivia questions before a movie starts. Jesus, so annoying.

I know, I can already hear the familiar refrain: Getting rid of the Klan is hard. They're on TV, at the store, sleeping on our couches when everyone else has gone home from our house parties.

"Jesus," we tell our roommates again and again. "Why do you keep inviting the Ku Klux Klan? Everyone hates them. And they picked through the party mix and ate all the Wheat Chex."

Always Talking Shit

But we can do this, together. If we agree that wherever we may agree to disagree, we are united in absolutely hating one thing, that thing being the awful, prejudiced, always-shit-talking Klan.

And we can do other things as well, to show how not racist our country is. When we're casting a big budget action movie, we can make one of the lead actors a black guy. And after the scene where a car crashes through a plate glass window, there's no reason we have to cut to a white guy with his mouth hanging open. We can cut to a black guy, also with his mouth hanging open. And wearing sunglasses.

Also, we can always volunteer that we don't care what color someone is, even if they're polka dotted or striped. To be perfectly honest, most of us don't even notice what color someone is anyway.

But the Klan does. Let's get them.