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An Iraqi Film Critic Speaks Out
by Usay Radam Film Critic, Time Out Baghdad Sometimes we movie critics look back on our old reviews and have to say, "What in Allah's name was I thinking?" Over the last few years I have reviewed hundreds of films for Time Out Baghdad, The Baath party's weekly arts and entertainment magazine. Many of these reviews have been positive; many have been less so. All in all I've tried to be fair and call things as I see them. Doing any less would be a huge disservice to my readers. But the historic events of the last few weeks have made me see that many of my reviews over the past few years were seriously in error. Saddam Hussein's removal from power has left his censors jobless, and the original versions of some of the severely edited films I once panned are only now seeing the light of day. So it's time to watch these films again as they were meant to be seen, and hand out some apologies to the filmmakers. 
Let's start with Deep Throat. In 1975 I called
this American film "a bit of directorial hackwork
notable only for its laughable dialogue and
soundtrack, odd jumps from scene to scene and
mercifully short 7-minute running time." Boy was I
wrong.
The director's cut of Deep Throat is a cinematic revelation, a tender exploration of one shapely American woman's beautiful journey into round-the-clock hardcore cocksucking. The director's cut shows that the moments of awkward dialogue forced to sustain the "Saddamized" version of Deep Throat were mere table-setters for the scenes the censors removed: awesome gag-and-slurp sessions that highlight the super incredibly awesome Deep Throat: The Director's Cut, which I am awarding nine stars (out of four). Plus the unedited version is an hour-and-a-half long. Who knew? Next up is The Empire Strikes Back. Oops. My bad again. I originally gave this film two stars, largely because of a number of scenes that it now turns out were added by Saddam's people. First, the newly released, "original" version reveals that Darth Vader is the bad guy. And Luke Skywalker never renounces his infidel ways and declares jihad on Christianity. And this famous scene (see below)? Never happens.  Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father. Luke: He told me you killed my father! Vader: This is so typical of the lies of the American Jedi crusaders! Always speaking ill of a father to his own son! A curse on your mustache, Great Satan! Luke: I have been a fool! Vader: Join me and we will rule the galaxy together! In my palace I have the unedited version of Deep Throat! Anyway, the new version gets four stars (out of four). 
It appears that Bull Durham, a celebration of
the great American pastime of baseball, was one of the
few films untouched by Saddam's propaganda squad. And
no wonder. This film seethes with anti-American
passions in every frame. With each appearance of its
pro-terrorism protagonist, Tim Robbins, the viewer's
loins thrash with fiery hatred of America and the urge
to embrace Saddam, Osama bin Laden and other opponents
of the West. It is hard to imagine even an Iraqi
filmmaker or Saddam himself delivering a more brutal
denunciation of the United States. The heroic Bush
Administration would be wise to lock this film in a
vault with Mr. Robbins and his co-star and lover, the
wily American female Susan Sarandon, then set the
vault on fire, and to set fire to the fire itself.
Also the film should not be shown on TV, unless the
U.S. desires to spend the rest of its days quelling
fierce rebellions of the like never seen by even the
most barbaric mujahedeen warriors -- vicious uprisings
that will spew flaming bile upon every virgin acre of
the land of our liberators.
Finally, it looks like Saddam's team of propagandists
edited out a scene from Disney's animated classic
The Fox and The Hound. In this scene a large
bear chases Copper the hound and Todd the fox until
they come perilously close to falling into a gorge.
This is way too scary for kids and I think the censors
made the right call.
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