lunchboxing.com :: taking your lunch money since 1983

by paws o'henry

At the request of California's Secretary of State, Lunchboxing.com is reprinting the following guide to today's multi-part recall ballot. Please remember to vote.

SECTION I: Recall
Voters may vote YES or NO on recalling Gov. Gray Davis. Be sure to completely punch out the tab next to your YES or NO to ensure that voting machines can read and count your selection.

SECTION II: Candidates
Regardless of their vote in Section I, Voters may choose from one of the 135 candidates vying to replace Davis.

SECTION III: Education Funding
Choose your numbers for Wednesday's $45 million Super Lotto jackpot. The correct answers will be provided on Channel 11 between "M*A*S*H" and "It's a Living." Next, choose the candidate you want to place and show alongside your exacta and trifecta numbers. Fold the ballot into an origami pig for exacta box, or write something about Jews and banks in your own blood to nullify and reverse allprevious votes and magnify all further selections by five.

SECTION IV: Write-in
From the list of names provided in SECTION II, choose the candidate you least want to win. Write in the word "Governor" in front of their name. Get used to seeing it that way.

SECTION V: Proposition 54
Supporters of this "color-blindedness initiative" say it will prevent the public collection of data on race and ethnicity. That's great, but how are we supposed to tell when the light is green? Nice try, LIBERALS.

SECTION VI: Proposition 55
More schools wanting money for some shit. I know we're supposed to be unbiased in this stuff but THE CALIFORNIA OFFICE OF THE SECRETARY OF STATE BEGS YOU TO VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 55! SAVE OUR STATE! NO ON 55!

SECTION VII: Oh
Apparently we can get in trouble for doing that. Also, we think we confused 55 and one of the other amendments. Long story short, do NOT vote for that porn woman, remember to seal your ballot with candle wax so the king's spies can't open it before it takes its righful place at Yermo's breast in the Cavern of Enlightenment, and take a strength AND a charisma roll if you get the cloak of invisibility. Tell no one of this. The results of this election must be kept strictly confidential. Do not ever hit a tiger in the face with a microphone. This election is for entertainment/novelty purposes only.


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