|
 |
What We've Learned From Elizabeth Smart's Rescue
by paws o'henry We at lunchboxing.com are grateful that missing15-year-old Elizabeth Smart has returned to her family after being abducted from their home nine months ago. A self-proclaimed prophet for the homeless and his wife are in police custody, but what have we learned from this story? We talked to dozens of law enforcement officials to assemble the following list. *If one homeless person could do this, so could the rest of them -- don't feel guilty ignoring desperate pleas for pocket change *In cruel twist of fate, girl was abducted and forced to continue living in Utah *John and Patsy Ramsey probably not involved  *Big scraggly beard has replaced thin twisty mustache as official facial hair of evil *A wakeup call to parents: Don't let children sleep inside pristine suburban homes with doors and windows securely locked *This stuff only happens to upright religious families; no one wants to get stuck for months with some Santa Monica hippie love-child *Not even a strong-named mayor like Salt Lake City's Rocky Anderson can prevent every abduction *Lusting after 18-year-old Russian lesbians of pop band T.A.T.U. is healthy and normal; leave the 15-year-old Americans alone *Mr. Rogers surely involved in rescue; even in death, how fucking awesome is this guy? *Crime is not "cool" or "gangsta" *Coverage of girl's rescue on cable news stations lends credence to theory that not every report need include terror alert updates *That rabbit in Donnie Darko is incredibly scary -- actually we already knew this |
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
| lunchboxing.com 2003 | all content © | all rights reserved | suck it so hard | feel the rhythm of the night |
