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Signs Mike Tyson is Turning His Life Around by paws o'henry 1. New Tyson: "catch and release" policy. Old Tyson: baby eater 2. No longer seeking matchup with The Hulk 3. Glass Jaw Joe and Piston Honda officially back on birthday list 4. Doesn't seem so bad compared to whoever handles pyrotechnics for Great White 5. Hasn't raped anyone in quite some time 6. Absolutely, 100 percent opposed to most acts of terrorism 7. Through cautious investing and fiscal restraint, finally scraping by on gazillions of dollars a year 8. Quietly mouths the lyrics to avoid disturbing neighbors at Phil Collins concert 9. Under amendment to fight-cancellation policy, will wait until they're officially scheduled 10. Vows to track down Robin Givens and save her from homelessness 11. No longer allowing interview questions about his personal life, criminal record, or boxing 12. New tattoo symbolizes support of Green Party 13. In negotiations with Michael Jackson to end decade-long crazy contest 14. Promises not to make any more songs with Canibus 15. Agrees to open mouth to U.N. Weapons Inspectors 16. Very, very sorry about Columbia 17. With counseling and sufficient encouragement, may someday follow through on threats to rip apart Robert Downey Jr. 
18. Humors friends at lunchboxing.com by saying he's totally been meaning to read their articles as soon as he's not so busy because dude, they really do sound hilarious, things have just been kind of hectic lately 19. Only wants to be loved, and kill people |
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