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Editorial: The Time Has Come for a Movie About Real "Super Heroes" by paws o'henry Lately it seems like the "heroes" of Hollywood movies are less believable than ever. We don't need millionaire producers telling us who our heroes should be, or whose lives we should celebrate. Anyone with a loving parent, devoted teacher or wise mentor can give moviemakers an earful about the real definition of the word "hero." Why? Because people like that remind us constantly of how boring they are. They are the exact opposite of the kinds of heroes we need in our films -- and our lives. How often do friends or loved ones promise to be proud of us if we just "try hard" or "do our best"? Bo-ring. Real heroes would put their money where their mouth is with displays of super strength, regenerative healing abilities, or the ability to shoot webs out of their fucking hands! Think about it: When was the last time a factory owner, secretary, or math professor did anything heroic? Yet these very people were the heroes of "Schindler's List," "Erin Brockovich," and "A Beautiful Mind," three of Hollywood's most celebrated films. It doesn't take a big-time producer's salary to know that the only true hero is someone with the ability to do what no one else does, whether because of genetic mutation, an accident with gamma rays, or some kind of divine or even interstellar origin. Someone who is not just a hero, but a "super" hero. If we can pay Ben Affleck a trillion dollars to play Evel Knievel ("Daredevil,") or make a summer blockbuster about a bunch of transsexuals ("X-Men 2,"), then surely we can make some movies about real heroes. I don't want to get ahead of myself here, but this idea wouldn't necessarily be limited to movies. Someday people might even want cartoons, toys, or illustrated stories about these "super heroes" that could be sold at drugstores and news stands across the country. (We could call them "picture story booklets.") Perhaps, if we're lucky, Hollywood directors will someday learn to create the illusion that a man can fly, and scientists will in turn be inspired to mutate unborn infants and forcibly implant them with admantium skeletons featuring retractable razor-sharp claws that will make a rad sound when unveiled from their sheath of torn flesh. For now, we can only dream. But perhaps there will come a day when anyone can become a hero. Even that schmuck who saved you from a fire. |
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