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Special Edition: The Director's Cut by jeremy padow Deemed a cult classic after enough of a cineaste clientele bought the DVD, Donnie Darko is soon being re-released theatrically. This is not the first time a box office bomb is getting a director's cut, since many films now get similar treatment on DVD, but this marks the first one to get a theatrical re-release. Director's cuts are obviously not to be confused with special editions. Many directors say that the version of their film released theatrically is indeed the director's cut. That does not stop them, however, from adding scenes to the DVD release, and deeming it a "Special Edition." The craftier ones will wait a few months after the initial DVD release to unload their Special Editions in order to bleed more money from those suckers who do not read DVD news and reviews on the web. (See New Line, Peter Jackson, and Lord of the Rings.) With Darko's impending theatrical re-release, other studios have followed suit and plan to release Director's Cuts and Special Editions of the following films: 
Born on the Fourth of July - A montage sequence has been added highlighting Ron Kovic's summer before heading off to 'Nam. His parents leave town for the weekend, so he throws a wild party, turns his house into a brothel, and gets threatened by Guido the Killer Pimp. 
Clerks - Even more Star Wars references this time around. The Clerks have an intense debate about whether or not Luke Skywalker is in fact human, since no blood is lost when he gets his hand light-sabered off. The film will also be shown in its original color version. Kevin Smith actually had the color film printed in black and white to give it a grittier "indie" feel in the hopes that Miramax would buy the film. 
The Terminator - There have been a jazillion DVD versions of T2, but now James Cameron has retinkered with the one that started it all. In this director's cut he has restored a few more scenes of the dystopian future, including one in which the cyborg baddie arrives in Washington D.C. to overtake the White House, but he is too late - it is already buried under tons of rubble. 
The Shining - Remember that infamous Steadicam shot through the hallways tracking Danny on his Big Wheel? It now runs 28 minutes long. 
Beverly Hills Cop - Since Eddie Murphy is now a bonafied family movie star, all of the foul language from his last great film has been cleaned up. All violence, drugs, and the strip bar scene have also been edited out. The movie now runs 58 minutes. Don't worry, Judge Reinhold's still funny though! 
The Muppet Movie - All wires have been digitally erased from any scenes showing full body shots of the Muppets. Also, the controversial Kermit/Miss Piggy sex scene has been reinstated. 
Flash Gordon - Three new Queen songs have been recorded for the soundtrack with Robbie Williams filling in for the late, great Freddy Mercury. Song titles include "Ming has an Evil Mustache," "Zarkhov's Lament," "I Swear I'm Not Gay, Even Though I Wish I Was Freddy Mercury." As for the film, the ending has been reshot. This time Ming prevails and destroys Earth. 
Sixteen Candles - Everyone remembers and loves this, the first film in John Hughes' classic brat pack trilogy. We all guffawed at the wacky antics of Anthony Michael Hall as uber-geek, Farmer Ted. We all cheered when he finally got laid by the hot blonde. We all somehow seem to forget that she was basically drunk and passed out. Hughes has restored the actual awkward, forced "love scene", revealing what only astute filmgoers realized all along - Farmer Ted date raped her! 
Ghostbusters - The original version of this classic comedy was much, much darker. Scenes showing Venkman's predilection for S & M have been restored, as is a subplot about Dana Barrett's cocaine addiction. 
The Kid Stays in the Picture - "After a particularly nasty spat, Ali decided the best way to mend things was to include me in a menage with her and McQueen. Did I do it? You bet your ass, baby." 'Nuff said. 
Garfield - No footage has been restored and the sound was already digital crystal clear. This is being re-released before the DVD comes out, because the initial release didn't even break $100 million, which doesn't even come close to covering the P & A budget. 
Top Gun - Includes a sodomy scene between Maverick and Iceman that puts the one in Deliverance to shame. Even with Tony Scott's quick, video-like cinematography and editing, the controversial scene had to be deleted for the film to get a PG rating. 
Casablanca - Are you serious? This movie's old. Nobody will give a shit. Maybe Ted Turner can colorize it or something. |
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