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Hey gang!!! It's Spring Time, and that means one thing: it's time to start getting into shape for summer! God knows you don't want the ladies (or men, if you are gay -- or a heterosexual female) making fun of your super fat ass on the beach this year, so why not put in some extra work at the gym, or run shirtless in your neighborhood to burn some extra calories and look sharp and svelte. Here are some other ideas for you: 1. Atkins! It's all the rage right now, and apparently it works wonders! Recently I've run into a bunch of people I know that used to be fat ass gorge hounds and they look fantastic!!! When I say fat ass gorge hounds I'm not fucking kidding either, they were huuuuuuge. Like 300+ huge. Jesus, people. How do you GET that big??? In any case, they are skinnier now. Below 200. They look all weird and emaciated, but that's the chance you take when you eliminate the wonders of carbohydrates. Lucky for me, I have a metabolism made of gold. I can eat Pop Tarts for dinner and not gain a pound. And I do. Except when I am drinking heavily, in which case I can put on pounds like a chubby kid with fat parents. 2. Quick Hint! Despite what you may think, a diet consisting of straight liquor and occasional Pop Tarts is not entirely healthy. Take it from me, Lou Diamond Phillips. For like, I dunnno, a few weeks, RECENT weeks, that's pretty much what I was doin', and I actually put ON weight, which is no good, when you are trying to get work especially. Especially, especially, especially... Is that a word, even? Especially? Pfffffffffft! haha!!! 3. You think you are a big Hollywood star now? Juss because you got some small part in a big time movie?? PHHOOOOEY! Casey Siezmako my ass. Pfffffffft!!!! Oh my god this is stroooooong Vodka. Martini Ranch Vodka. WEIRD!!! It was cheap though!!! Oops, back to cheap food options for the summer months: 4b. Juss be yerself... don't let nobody telll you NUTHIN' man! They will WALK ALL OVER YOU!!!! But you gotta look them in the eye and just fuckin' be like "This is it MAN!" THEN See what happens, man. Yeah! 4c. DRIIIIIIIINKY STIIIIIIIINKY!!!!!!!!! Damn. Remindin' me of Puerto Vallarta, '88 man, that shit was SWEEET!!! My body was all ripped from Stands and Delivers. JAIME!!! JAIME ESCALANTE!! hahahaha!!!! Oh shit... in conclusionary, martini ranch Vodka "get the job done" and you will look good and have a ton of hot sex with ladies (gay), so drink it. DO you have some I can have 'pretty please'? Or a sleeping bag or comforter I can lay on, juss for one second, dude, I PROMISE! NEED GO SLEEPY!! pfffffffft!!!! HAHAHA! Alwaysss, 
P.S.S.S.S - Remember my HOLIDAY GREETING?!?!? I WILL FIGHT YOU!!!! PFFFFFFT!!! I'm kiddin' man, come here. Come here you! Give Louie a hug. Shhhhhhh.... Shhhhhh.... baby go sleep now. Baby.. go... zzzzz. |
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