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 JeLLyBeAnZ!!! Okay party people! We know what you've come to Vegas for, and it's not for gambling, but for VEGAS BABY VEGAS! And we know that you know what VEGAS means: PARTYING! WITH MUSIC, PARTY PEOPLE!! "JeLLyBeAnZ!!", the first ever Las Vegas club themed hotel/club-sino, is here to serve all your clubbing and "hotel-room" needs. (Get it! Because the spirit of clubbing is all about bright clothes and loose sex, we don't think you'll use the rooms for sleeping, but for having loose sex and changing into bright clothes! ) Also, you can store your drugs there! At our downstairs Club-sino, we've replaced the gaming tables and slot machines with DANCING tables and SLOTS to have loose sex with! And by Slots we mean vaginas and penises! Those are SEXUAL ORGANS party people! No, party people, sexual organs are the things in your pants that make you happy! No, the other side, PARTY PEOPLE! Yeah, now you got it!! You go, Party People! With over 3000 square feet of clubbing excitment, JeLLyBeAnZ!! is the ultimate destination for the clubbing crowd. In case you're not sure if you're a part of the clubbing crowd ask yourself this: Do you loooove sex? If so, look down at your clothes? Are they bright? If so YOU'RE A CLUBBER! With DJ Coco Roco Loco from Miami in the mix we're sure to keep you going on through the weekend. Well, that plus the generous supply of amphetamines you have, Party People! ...and just in case you run out! Take a TRIP to our all you can take/shoot/short drug buffet! And remember! All alcoholic beverages are on us, so leave your inhibitions (if you have any) at the door! The door is that way party people! No, that way! The OTHER way.  Shawshank, Shawshank Located on the outskirts of Las Vegas in the Old Haunted Abandoned State Penitentary, Shawshank, Shawshank is the epitome of theme "hotel", filled to the brim with authentic jail time fun. Every hour on the hour after sundown, experience "Jailbreak!", the live action performance in which several would-be escapees are gunned down at the hands of the green uniformed guards. Watch as jailbirds fall dozens of feet off of a chain link fence into a murky lake while the watchtower's bright light illuminates the hotel's cold stone exterior. Other hotel features include: The "River of Shit" Sewage Raft Ride, The Ass Rape-Revue featuring the hit number "Get Busy Living...or Get Busy Dying!", Elvis impersonators doing Jailhouse Rock around the clock at Al Capone's Cigar Lounge, The Alcatraz Island Fun Cruise for Tots led by the ever-friendly Bird Man, and now you can experience Shawshank, Shawshank in style with the "New Fish" special, complete with Hosedown, Delousing, beration by the evil warden, and three days in "The Hole" for every member of your party. 
Vegas, Las Vegas Confused about where to stay on your trip to Las Vegas? Well how about staying EVERYWHERE in Las Vegas?!?!? Following such hit casino theme ideas as New York, New York and Paris, we present to you the ultimate in location themed casinos! Here witness all the opulence and grandeur of Vegas under one roof, in slightly miniature form! Dine in any of our 150 miniature buffets and restaurants and, if you can fit, try to nuzzle into one of our 45 different casinos! All attended by children and "little people" to make the illusion complete! Did you enjoy the Star Trek Experience on your last trip to Vegas? Well you've never EXPERIENCED it like this! It's exactly the same, but much much smaller! Find yourself getting lost in the maze that is the MGM Grand? Well, you won't get lost in the smaller (yet still surprisingly big) maze that is the MGM Grand in Vegas, Las Vegas. And when you're done soaking up the 35,000 square feet of casinos and nightlife, enjoy a 2 oz Mai Tai and sun yourself by the side of any of our 47 miniature pools! Even the Sun seems smaller at Vegas, Las Vegas! And just when you think you've explored all there is in Vegas, Las Vegas, take a trip with the kids down to the miniature version of Vegas, Las Vegas INSIDE Vegas, Las Vegas! Packed inside you will find Ceasar's Clubhouse, Belagi-ito, "The MGM 'Piqueno", Treasure Sandbar, The Sand, The Imperial Guest House, and Circus! Yes, it is The Strip as it was meant for tiny tikes! Just be careful never to approach the miniature version of Vegas, Las Vegas inside Vegas, Las Vegas or you may be sucked into an endless pit leading to the end of the space-time continuum. Other hotel/casinos to keep your eyes open for in the next year include: Siberia! Yo! MTV Casino Sweet November, The Casino Bull Run! Civil War Resort The Dustbowl Newtown's "Math Problems" Casino The Idiots Guide: The Casino Mozambique! Ore Ida's Yukon Gold Casino and Potatoery featuring the Bacon Bits Arcade for Kidz The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints Mormon Gamblerama! That's all we got for now, folks. But stay tuned: Vegas always has something new and exciting to behold. As rich and storied as Vegas' history is, we still like to think that the best is yet to come. And when we say "best is yet to come," we are of course referring to "The Best Is Yet To Come Hotel and Casino" due to hit The Strip this Summer. Seriously. Back to Page One |
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