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Uncle Mort's Magical Miracle Plumpness Reduction Salve From Back of Bottle: A hearty, abundant carriage might seem to proclaim "I live by way of pleasure!" But recent work by research-scienticians suggests that a swinely figure may have adverse effects on other bodily functions, including "breathing" and "heart pumpage." While regular exercise and a more thoughtful eating schedule may be a good solution for the long-term, let us now speak frankly: sport, frolick, and recreation are tiresome and take away from important time meant to be spent enjoying sugar-pastries, confections, and fatty meat products. Luckily, a man named Mort has came with a salve to make the extra chunkiness fly away like a chubby cherub into the high heavens. Just rub daily and wait patiently. Thank you, kindly, sirs and ma'dams. Possible Side Effects:
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