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philanthropic outreach by jason betrue, jamie flam, quarterbar, and chris weisbart
This Month's Featured Charity 
The American Asshole Association "People don't realize that the asshole, also known as the anus, is one of the most active muscles in the human body." -Asscot "Richie" Buttman, founder of The American Asshole Association Founded in 1979 in an effort to educate the American public on the joyous wonders and sometimes fatal fallacies of the human asshole, The American Asshole Association has touched the lives (and assholes) of more than 200 million Americans in less than 25 years. The plan was simple; Reach out to as many assholes as possible with a well thought and intelligently executed plan of knowledge dissemination. We have found that pamphlets work best. But not just any pamphlet will do. Over the years we have learned to take the time to pepper our pamphlets with cartoons, caricatures, and "wacky" fonts. This way we insure that we can entertain as we educate. So this holiday season, when it comes time to choose a charity for which to donate your time and hard earned money, please choose the American Asshole Association. If you join now with a minimum 25 dollar donation, you will receive the following pamphlets, sent to your door, free of charge: -Your Bung, Your Buddy -The Ass: Not Just a Donkey Anymore -"Getting Kicked (in the asshole)" -Baby's Got Back: Caring For Your Newborn's Rectum -The Ins and Outs of Anal Sex -Life is a Bowel of Cherries -Mysteries of the Black Hole -Butt Seriously: Comedian/Actor/Writer/Philantropist Jim J. Bullock Discusses Asshole Maintenance -Crazy Asshole Facts! -Cheek to Cheek: Relationships with Assholes -"Dear Grandma, About that new underwear you got me. There's no easy way to say this...I Rectum"-6 Ways To Deal With Anal Leakage -"Da Hemmorhoid Guys!" -"Jupiter, Pluto and Your Anus: Jim J. Bullock Reads Your Anal Horoscopes" -Rim Jobs: Employment "Openings" at The American Asshole Association -Lets Be Brief-What you Need To Know About Underwear -Bowlin' For Colons -The Lighter Side of Colostomy Bags -10 Things Assholes Do -"Ass-Hold on a second, there are some things you should know (About Butts)!" -"If J-Lo Can Get Away With It..." And Other Common Explanations For Abnormally Large Asses 
Donations of 50 or more dollars will also receive pamphlets from several other organizations helping us fight the "cold war" against the asshole. Here are a few: -F.A.R.T.-Fecal And Rectal Troubles -M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.E.-Mothers Advocating for Special Treatment of Underused Rectal, Bowel, and Anal Tissue Education -G.O.L.D.F.I.S.H.- Growing Old and Learning to Deal Firmly and Indpendently of Sphincter Habits -C.A.N.C.E.R.-Can Adults Nurture Children's Education of the Rectum? -R.E.L.I.G.I.O.N.- Rectal Emissions Lacking In Grains Indicate Ordinary Nourishment -C.H.R.I.S.T.- Careless and Horrible Rectal Invasion Society, Tulsa Donations of 100 or more dollars will receive two of every pamphlet, as well as our monthly newsletter "Tradewinds" which highlights community sponsored asshole events, butthole tips and tricks, and of course award winning columns by Jim J. Bullock ("ButtTalk") and Andy Garcia ("Anus and Andy"). As you can see, we are offering minutes upon minutes of asshole education propaganda that can be delivered to your door as soon as tommorow. So don't pass up the opportunity to educate yourself, your friends and your loved ones this season with knowledge. Ass knowledege. I love you. Asscot "Richie" Buttman  Founder, The American Asshole Association |
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