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by jason betrue, jamie flam, quarterbar, and chaz weinheart Masturbating is something that we do because it feels fantasmic. But sometimes there are just not enough words in the English language to describe the act and it's subsequent glory. That's why there are so many eupehmisms for the act of jerkin' it sweetly. Here are exactly 54 of them: "fleshing out some ideas" "managing the issues at hand" boxing helena balancing your checkbook "around the world in 80 seconds" bashing the trash Hawking a wiener loogie unleashing the chinese dragon "going supersonic" playing roller derby with the home team roasting the fresh hot nuts screaming loading the catapult breaking the catapult breaching the bladder "banzai slide-kick" setting your mind aflame with the redundant possibilities of the universe the great pubic challenge paying a visit to the cum fairy food fight! dropping the kids off at the pool A Night in Tunisia "murdering kidnapped children" goin' RAMBO applying to community college listening to Wu-Tang doing it "asylum style" the carnival of souls clowning around with mr. drippy making penis-diarrhea "waxing festive" pocket-pummeling fun with saran-wrap spreading poison ivy floorigami taunting the ayatollah playing pocket-horseshoes playing pocket-sack race playing pocket-egg toss playing pocket-extreme skateboarding playing pocket-ripcord (the) arresting macy gray fondling the infant duckling kismet Destination: Flammable Oil Rags in Garage Table Weenis The Taming of the Shrew The Natural Double Jeopardy Correcting The Pop Quizzes Flipping Through the Farmer's Palmanac Making toilet babies Hammertime! Talking to the man in the mirror |
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