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by jason betrue and jamie flam Earlier this week the Santa Barbara Police Department raided Michael Jackson's carnivalesque coastal home known as the Neverland Ranch. The raid prompted an immediate media feeding frenzy, as well as the familiar speculations of pederasty on the part of the King of Pop. Through an unnamed source, lunchboxing.com has ascertained a copy of the list of DVD movies that were found at the Neverland Ranch. (See image below.) Below you will find the full transcript of this report. 
KIDS The Bad News Bears The Lawnmower Man Casablanca The Toy / Liner notes semen drenched Latoya Porn Movie / Cover found on mirror in bathroom Babes in Toyland Planet of the Apes Blazing Saddles The Vacation series Born on the 4th of July Young Guns Explorers D.A.R.R.Y.L. Stand By Me / Found in DVD player, paused at scene with dead kid The Godfather Friday Look Who's Talking 2 Operation Dumbo Drop Look Who's Talking Now Bottlerocket Tupac Jungle Fever Chuck and Buck / Several copies found wrapped in Christmas paper, addressed to each member of family The Unbearable Lightness of Being Soul Man Cabin Boy Menace II Society Fried Green Tomatoes My Girl Goonies Baby's Day Out Problem Child / Picture of Jackson pasted over picture of John Ritter on cover. Home Alone The Karate Kid 3 Reality Bites Varsity Blues / Missing disc Mystic Pizza Dennis the Menace / Soiled Where the Red Fern Grows / Tear-soaked Radio Flyer / Found under pillow Happiness / Found in safe Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey Mallrats Can't Buy Me Love Ferris Bueller's Day Off / DVD hole increased with large drill Dream A Little Dream License to Drive The Lost Boys Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory / Bloodstained Spy Kids The Voyage of Natty Gann Milo and Otis Babe Bloodsport The Cannonball Run The Wiz Commando Police Academy 2, 4 / signed by Steve Gutenberg She's All That / signed by Steve Gutenberg Earth Girls are Easy Little Giants The Sandlot Vibes Heavyweights / Literally submerged in a bowl of semen Powder Dead Poets Society The Hudsucker Proxy The Naked Gun 33 1/3 Titanic If Looks Could Kill Judgement Night Three Men and Little Lady Super Mario Brothers Spawn Kindergarten Cop / Apparently inside an anus at some point Captain EO Mr. Show First Two Seasons Sex in the City / Unopened Rain Man Jingle All the Way Kindergarten Cop Mac and Me E.T. / 4 copies under bed UHF Basic Instinct / Three bullet holes in DVD case With Honors The Super Aaron Carter - Oh Aaron (Live in Concert) Aaron Carter - Aaron's Party (Live in Concert!) Aaron Carter - Aaron's Party (Come Get It) Prizzi's Honor The Witches of Eastwick JeLLyBeAnZ!!! Liar Liar / Edited to only include scenes with little boy, opening credits Amelie Rudy The Three Amigos Howard The Duck / Semen encrusted Swingers Raw Poetic Justice Big Daddy / Pubic hairs meticulously glued to disc to fill in title lettering My Life as a Boy Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets / Found on a marble pedestal in Michael Jackson's Chamber of Secrets. Also, covered with semen. Crocodile Dundee Stop or My Mom Will Shoot The Boy Who Could Fly Project X / Also in Chamber of Secrets Spy Kids / Personal Home Video based on popular film The Outsiders Dirty Dancing / Found in maid's room Showgirls / Not Found License To Drive Lord of the Flies / Found in Lord of the Flies Room The Good Son Baby Boom Magnolia Rushmore Just Me and the Boys / Found in Just Me and the Boys video library in Just Me and the Boys wing of home.  |
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