lunchboxing.com :: taking your lunch money since 1983

by jason betrue, jamie flam, and paws o'henry

1. Go to the bathroom right before they close the office, stay in stall with feet pulled up on toilet.
2. Send out promotional coupons for a free Penguins small frozen yogurt with 1 (one) topping to all voters.
3. When they come to kick him out, say, "What's that behind you?" then run back into office.
4. Put some kind of sharp or slippery stuff on outside doors so no one can get in.
5. Establish shadow government in secret New Mexico bunker.
6. On day after recall, say he can't get out of governor's chair because his knee hurts. Repeat every day for three years.
7. If office is blue, paint self blue. If green, green. If gray, no problem.
8. Kick Arnold Schwarzenneger's ass in front of the whole school.
9. Make special guest appearance onThat's So Raven
10. Issue Executive Order designating date of election "Opposite Day."
11. Campaign across the state with Kobe Bryant.
12. Declare war on Iraq.
13. JeLlYbEaNz!!!!!!
14. Rape and/or kill an intern.
15. Legalize it.
16. Sassify!
17. Start using catch-phrase "I be kickin' it!"
18. Sell soul to devil, again.
19. Smoke bombs
20. Secede from U.S. and declare martial law.
21. Travel back in time and kill John Connor.
22. Free blow jobs to each and every constituent.
23. Tell voters that if he has to leave, it will hurt his feelings.
24. Hide under his desk.
25. Apply for job as mailroom clerk.
26. Legally change his name to Arnold Schwarzenegger.
27. Pretend he is a statue when they close for the night.
28. Explain that if he were really a dishonest man, his hair color would not match his name.
29. Play up how "Davis" is similar to "David," as in In Living Color star "David" Alan Grier.
30. Sleep with George Bush, Jr.
31. Sleep with George Bush Sr.
32. Operation: Shitstorm
33. Challenge incumbent Governor to a contest of who can eat the most Deviled Squid Brains on the new reality TV show Who Wants to Be Governor of California???
34. California Penal Code #457.09.38: Win the California Boating Regatta Championship, Retain Governorship!
35. Get the Doobie Brothers to perform at the State Fair.
36. Have friend send e-mail to voters that begins, "I don't know if this is a hoax, but I've heard we can save the Governor of California by sending money to a farmer in Nigeria."
37.

38. fisticuffs
39. Not be a complete cocksucker.
40. Fix everything he fucked up.


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