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by jeff berson, jason betrue, jamie flam, and chris weisbart 1. Pouring 40 oz's to all the dead Iraqi homies 2. Refusing to make out with more than 3 chicks on any given night 3. Thinking about doing anal for the first time 4. Spray painting "Food Not Bombs" on Ass of Speedos 5. Refusing to wear sunblock with higher than 40 SPF protection 6. Making Love, Not War 7. Blocking Jet Ski and Banana Boat traffic 8. Mai Tai Embargo 9. Shaving their "Bush" 10. Hot threesome while Dixie Chicks and Sheryl Crow blast from the CD player 11. Avoiding Senor Frogs before ten 12. Going on MTV's Elimi-date Beach Front Show, and upon winning, saying "I don't support The War", then flexing while girls scream 13. Not drinking the water 14. Making sure to give the girl an orgasm in these trying times 
15. Setting themselves on fire and riding the mechanical bull (see picture)16. Trying anal for the first time 17. Getting in a bar brawl, because someone turned off Wolf Blitzer. Then proceeding to call the cop "a fucking bitch cocksucker" and spending the rest of Spring Break in jail. 18. Contracting herpes in order to "put things in perspective" 19. Frequenting Ali Baba's Schwarma Stand instead of Top Dog 20. Acknowleding the solemn truth that there is no Daytona in Iraq 21. Watching Hot Shots! before heading to Cabo Wabo 22. Screwing the living shit out of some Armenian chick 23. Buying "Beers From Around The World" at Cost Plus World Market 24. Wanting peace just as much as wanting a "piece" 25. Screwing their best friends' sister 26. Holding a Drink-Until-Vomit-In 27. Masturbating to images of doves and liberty bells while tripping on "E" 28. Waking up in a bathtub filled with a dark creamy substance 29. Drowning out war coverage while freaking some girl to ACDC's You Shook Me All Night Long 30. Baggin' Someones Dad 31. Strapping dynamite to their chest, walking into a club and telling to every girl they meet, "It's blowin' up in here!" 32. "Surrendering" to the onslaught of peer pressure 33. Sticking their two "peace fingers" into some chicks' butt 34. In a weird way, finding Kofi Annan attractive 35. Building an elaborate scale model of Baghdad on the beach, destroying the crap out of it, then announcing "That shit is fucked up!!!" 36. Thinking suddenly and sullenly, "There are women in Iraq who will never get to experience the pleasure of getting gang-banged like this." 37. Rushing humanitarian aid to your stomach after a good night of drinking 38. Eating plenty of nachos 39. Not doing tequila shots with The Bush Twins 40. Jerking off to Christina Amanpour GONE WILD! 41. Saying a girl has a nice "Iraq" over and over and over and over.... 42. Only smoking Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes 43. Peeing in the pool and saying "chemical warfare has begun" 44. Still trying to nail the hippy chick, even though she's got armpit hair 45. "Totally shredding" 46. Doing a velcro wall jump and in mid-air thinking to themself "This must be what a smart bomb is like"... then doing a 7 foot beer bong. 47. Referring to your weed as "Iraqi Tobacky" 48. Vomiting for all the dead Iraqi homies 49. Creating an army of beach goers and attacking the store that is the second largest supplier of tanning oil and then saying "That's fucked up!" 50. Asking somebody if they think french kissing is unpatriotic, and if so telling them you'd like to "tongue the inside of their mouth gregariously" 51. Moment of silence before Wet T-shirt Contest 52. While dancing the night away at Club Daytona, 1986 changing the words of the Flock of Seagull's hit from "I ran, I ran so far away" to "Iraq, Iraq is here to stay." 53. Not jumping during Jump Around by House of Pain 54. Red food coloring in the Coronas to represent the blood of the fallen 55. Boycotting Spam related products 56. Hitting an Indian dude and saying "Stars and stripes, brother!" 57. Dropping acid then walking into Target 58. Ordering an Uncle Sam at the bar and throwing it in the face of the guy sitting next to them 59. Red white and blue bikini burning 60. Sleeping in until 8 am, Iraq Time 61. Beating The Living Shit out of Carson Daly 62. Playing "Go Fish!" instead of "War" at the Beachhouse 63. Smoking out of a Bong named "Rumsfeld" 64. Like totally going into the mountains and meditating on the beauty like some Hindu or Muslim shit 65. Meeting "fierce resistance" while trying to invade hottie's pants 66. Pepper spraying anybody who seems threatening, but then letting any guy with nice pecs into your bed 67. At 4:20, pause for a moment and say..."Dude, it's only 3:20 in Iraq," then take a massive hit out of "Bongzilla" the 8-foot Glass Disaster 68. Getting "Shit-Tanked" 69. Dude. Special thanks to Jen Rofe for inspiring this courageous feature. |
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