By now you surely have heard of the new Matthey McConaughey / Kate Hudston romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days." We won't pretend that we really know what it's about, but in true Lunchboxing fashion we have come up with a list of foolproof ways that you can shake that unwanted beau in less than a week and a half. So, without further ado...

by jason betrue, jamie flam, and chris weisbart

1. Be Yourself — Anywhere from One Hour to 9.9 Days
2. Stick your finger up his ass — 8 minutes...or NEVER. It's a gamble.
3. Instant Amnesia! — 4 seconds.
4. Cobra Venom — Wait...what kind of Cobra are we talking about here?
5. Cover him from head to toe in 'Nair' while he's sleeping — A few hours, but you might want to go on the lam for a few weeks after this one.
6. Auction him on eBay — Convenient 3, 5, 7, or 10 day options. Have you considered "Buy It Now"?
7. Let him go down on you after you forgot to take your "Beano." — Difficult to say...every woman's biology is different. Also a gamble.
8. Get in an industrial accident where acid is spilled on your face — Take total number of sexual encounters, divide by length of relationship in days, + 1 day.
9. Tell him you aren't in the mood, but that "Benjamin Franklin" might be able to change your mind, if he knows what you mean — 14 minutes...AND you got 50 bucks out of it!
10. Take him into the middle of the forest and leave him there — Length of drive to nearest woods x 2.
11. Two Words: "Shark Tank" — 12 minutes to 4 hours depending on number of sharks.
12. Suffocate him with your pendulous breasts — 14 minutes. 14 heavenly minutes.
13. Unexpectedly switch the "Hot Pockets" for "Lean Pockets" — 2:30 on High, allow to cool for one minute.
14. Get the clap — How attractive are you?
15. Show your ankles, speak out of turn, or question his authority — Hmm...depends on century or continent, really, but allow for 2 days just to be on the safe side.
16. Take an interest in Reggae music — Take length of "Big Mountain" album of choice, divide by 4.
17. Casually mention how "Into Jesus" you're getting — Take length of Sunday service of choice, divide by 0.
18. Become handicapped — Depends on severity. Take number of body parts that are no longer functional, and divide by number of functioning body parts, + 1 day.
19. Show him your "Kid Rock" tattoo — However long it takes you to walk away from him as he is writhing on the floor, convulsing with laughter.
20. Talk about marriage — Take total number of sexual encounters, divide by length of relationship in days, + 45 minutes.
21. Explain to him that while you love him very much, you feel that his and your needs are just not in the same place. Tell him that you'll always value the time that you spent together, and that you think he is one of the most remarkable individuals you have ever met, but you simply feel that in the long run you will not be compatible. Do not mention Julio, the Puerto Rican bartender. — An evening.
22. Fuck the living shit out of his father — HIS father? Shit man, you're looking at a good 2 hour rogering.
23. Stop bleaching your mustache — Take number of Burt Reynolds DVDs in collection, +1 day.
24. Tell your Mommy that Daddy has NOT been helping you with your homework. — A night spent behind the closed door of your bedroom, the echoes of parental screaming and harried packing so very clear as your tears soak into your teddy bear. "It'll be okay, Mr. Bearsy," you tell him.
25. Break his neck with a single firm twist — Three sexy, sexy seconds.
26. Show him your miniscule, underdeveloped, malformed penis — Male departure: 3 minutes. Vomit cleanup: 35 minutes.
27. Quit giving him handjobs — May not work.
28. Leave chatroom. Never return — 1 second...but know we will be waiting forever, xArwen947x, our monitors casting an eerie glow on our faces and the walls of our rooms.
29. JeLlyBeAnz!!! — !!!znAeBylLeJ
30. Pick day. Then, ten days from that day, tell him it's not working out. — I've seen it done in eight days...no shitting.
31. Take him to horribly vapid Matthew McConaughey vehicle — 48 minutes. Hope you brought Taxi money. He is NOT coming back with more popcorn.

We at LUBO are nothing if not good-hearted. We know this movie and it's title are ripe for picking for hilarious lists by publications and television programs all throughout the Continental United States...and beyond! For that reason we have provided a list that Maxim, The View, or Reader's Digest can use at their leisure. We're sure their demographic will LOVE them.

1. Interrupt the weekly poker game with "The Boys"
2. Sit in his favorite chair
3. Tell him you love him
4. Turn off the football game
5. Get fat
6. "Honey, I thought instead of steak and potatoes, tonight we could have broccoli with tofu."
7. Take him shopping
8. Drink the last beer
9. Hide the remote
10. Scratch his car
11. Talk about your feelings