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Happy Fucking Birthday! by dan fazio Two weeks ago. I'm driving home from work on my birthday. It's already taken an hour, and I'm stuck in a mile of bumper-to-bumper traffic, but I don't mind. It's my birthday! Then I hear a light "clunk," and the car won't move. The engine still revs.... lights are still on... but the thing isn't going anywhere. Must be the automatic tranmission. Cars start honking, so I get out and begin pushing the car down the road. Luckily, I'm able to push it into a driveway so I can think for a second. I turn the car off, and try to remember when my AAA coverage expired, and how much a tow will cost. On a whim, I start the car up and try it again. It works! Sort of. I drive it the rest of the way home with some difficulty, slipping in and out of first and second gear. Two days later. The shop calls and says the transmission is "screwed." "We can get you in a top-of-the-line, Broffenblatt rebuilt guaranteed tranny for $2,995, plus $600 labor," I'm told. How about a cheaper one? "You can get a salvage tranny for $1,400. Comes with a 12-month warranty. Doesn't cover labor." Still out of my range. "You might find a junkyard tranny for $800. But it'll have 100,000 miles on it, likely." I'm an inch away from trashing the thing and committing to 60 months of $300 payments, when I find heaven on Ebay. Heaven in this case being a $375 transmission imported from Japan to Miami. Shipping costs $170 and takes 5 business days, but, heck, it beats the hell out of the other options. 14 actual days later, the transmission arrives. Damaged. The shop refuses shipment, and leaves seven voice mails on my phone. Says he's already taken out my transmission. Says he needs to get my car off of the platform at the shop, and must put the suspension back on to do so. Says this will cost $40. Plus, I owe him half of the labor, or $265. Now I'm an inch away from walking to the shop and strangling the owner with my bare hands. But, somehow I manage to not even yell at him on the phone. Instead, I call the shipping company. Apparently I need to inspect the damaged transmission for myself before the Miami guys will send a new one. Check back in one week for the exciting and dramatic conclusion to "Happy Fucking Birthday!" Will the shipping company make good and cover the cost of the transmission, since they were the ones that damaged it? Will the Miami guys come through and send another transmission before receiving the damaged one in return? Or will I have to track someone at the shipping company down, tie their face to the back of my motorcycle and drive the length of the Pacific Coast Highway? Stay tuned...... |
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