|
 |
Lunchboxing's "Behind the Adventure": The Wayne Herman Story (Featuring Rob Lowe) by dan fazio Wayne Herman was late. He shifted his Nissan Altima into third gear and thought of a random number. 13. That was the number of times he was going to punch Jeff Berson in the face for making him late. Wayne Herman was a model, once. He had penetrating blue eyes and a svelte figure cut from his days as an amateur luge champion. He was only 32 years old, but since the death of his brother Frederick, he had had sole custody of his nephew Jeff. "Wayne, can you make me a peanut butter sandwich?" Jeff asked innocently. Jeff was nine. The year was 1993. Wayne Herman was making his way in the world. He had just done a photo shoot with Rob Lowe, whom he had gotten to know on a first-name basis. And yet here he was, already tied down with the burden of looking after a spastic nine year-old with ADHD. "Jeff, buddy, I taught you how to make those for yourself last week, remember?" Wayne yelled down the stairs while tightening the knot in his tie. "I forgot already. Anyway, Mr. Jacobsen says I have to practice the tuba for an hour each day, so I don't have time anyway!" the boy replied. Wayne flew into a rage. "God damn it boy!" he shouted, running down the stairs. "I am ten minutes late for cocktails with Rob. You do NOT show up late for cocktails with Rob Fricking Lowe, do you hear me?" He stormed into the kitchen, finding Jeff holding the jar of peanut butter and trembling. He quickly slapped the jar out of the boy's hand and grabbed him by the wrist. Dragging him through the doorway, he continued lecturing. "This is the LAST time I am going to help you. I am late. Do you want to live out on the street? Do you want my career to crumble? I am going to teach you a lesson." Jeff vomited. The gush of vomit splattered across Wayne's chest. Unfortunately, Wayne was wearing a Polo shirt that had been a gift from Ralph Lauren himself, at Wayne's first photo shoot. It became clear that Jeff had already eaten his fill of peanut butter-the vomit was thick with it. Wayne Herman screamed, but Jeff didn't hear it. Three hours later, Jeff awoke in a trash can wearing nothing but his briefs and a pile of peanut butter-laden puke. Ten years later, Wayne Herman's Altima screeched to a halt at the rear entrance of the Flynt Enterprises building on La Cienega Boulevard. He stepped out of the vehicle, adjusted his sweater vest, and walked briskly to the rear entrance. "When I get home," he thought to himself, "Jeff is going to catch some hell, by God!" Wayne Herman first appeared in Adventures in Adventure: The Next American Idol. Get historical, y'all. |
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
| lunchboxing.com 2003 | all content © | all rights reserved | suck it so hard | feel the rhythm of the night |
