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The 12:30 Conundrum by Jeff Berson, "PH.D" Its 12:30 A.M. and I have to wake up for work in six hours. But right before I visit Mr. Sandman in Dreamland, I want to end the night with some quality television viewing. After flipping around for 2 minutes I realize that something horrible has happened...TLC is showing Designing Women and Lifetime is showing The Golden Girls, the 2 best shows since...ever. Asking me to choose between those programs is like asking me to choose whether I like my step-dad or step-mom better. I can't do it, they're both lovely people and have been great additions to my family. Period. Both programs deliver on all levels: star-power (Delta Burke vs. Rue Mclanahan), sex appeal (Annie Potts and Dixie Carter vs. Betty White), laughter (Meshach Taylor vs. Bea Arthur), and womanly support. So, how is one to decide? If you watch the Golden Girls, then you can't do your winning Jean Smart impersonation at the water cooler in the morning. Likewise, if you watch Designing Women, you can't retell Sophia's wonderful tales of a Sicilian childhood to Ruth in Accounts Payable. And trust me, you want to do both of those things. So, I spent days developing options. Somewhere in some fancy boardroom, the executives at Lifetime and TLC have viciously planned this battle, and are waiting for viewers to decide a winner. I'll help you out with a solid plan where there are no losers. 
Option 1-Watch Golden Girls at 12:30. Go to sleep.
Plan is ok, you get the magic of the Golden Girls, but you might miss Suzanne throwing one of her famous fits. You lose. Option 2-Watch Designing Women at 12:30. Go to sleep. Plan is also ok. You will catch all of Suzanne's fits, but you might miss a gem about St. Olaf from Rose. Then Ruth in AP will think less of you the next day. Also, a losing situation. 
Option 3-Watch Golden Girls at 12:30 while taping Designing Women. Watch Designing Woman from 1-1:30. Go to sleep.
That plan is great because you get to watch both, but its also bad because you will be so tired the next day after 5 hours of sleep. Might cause job loss. Option 4-Watch Golden Girls at 12:30 while taping Designing Women. Watch Designing Woman from 1-1:30. Go to sleep. Ask your boss beforehand if you could come in at 10 or 11 on the weekdays. This plan is even better because you get to watch both, and you get enough sleep. Its bad if your boss says no, but if you're like me, you're boss is super cool and he'll say ok right away. Option 4 is the sexiest, but if for some strange reason your boss doesn't allow you to start work later, maybe you should consider a new job. Maybe you can get a job at Lifetime or TLC and move the shows to 12 and 12:30. That would be fucking great!! |
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