|
 |
 by jeff berson Hello fans. The name is Jeff Berson. Many of you already know about my wildly popular Kiss-and Tell column which appears in publications in the non-continental United States and in U.S. occupied territories East of Florida. But if you are a new reader, let me break you in slowly: I am an artist. My paint brush is my tongue. My mouth is my easel. And my canvas is your mouth. It's really simple: I have a need to express myself and I do it through kissing. But that expression not only takes form in the physical act of kissing, but also in its detailed literary complement. I don't consider this bragging, so if I come off as pompous or arrogant, then you my friend have some growing up to do. I understand, however. You see, I too was once told that gentlemen should never kiss and tell, just like every other young boy. And I almost fell for it. But after a series of events in the early 1990's, I realized that "the tell" is usually much more rewarding than the "the kiss," and by neglecting "the tell" you are doing yourself and your social companions a great disservice. So, with no further ado, I'm proud to present you with July's best in kissing and telling. July 3, 2004 The Kiss - Joanna The Tell - Great lip touching action followed by an unexpected entrance by Joanna's tongue into my mouth. Her tongue was greeted with my tongue, and always a gracious host, my tongue immediately encouraged her tongue to explore an exciting playground of saliva and flossed crevasses. And explore that tongue she did. Neither tongue grew tired as the clock ticked 9... July 4, 2004 The Kiss - Annabelle The Tell - Independence Day ended with my mouth locked in a heated embrace with another mouth, only this mouth was feminine and had the architecture of dental braces built between the teeth. I decided to take an extra long time exploring her molar region with my tongue, and I left no stone unturned. From cavity to dental filling, my tongue saw all the sights, and let's just say the view was breathtaking and the trip is highly recommended to kissing enthusiasts near and far. After my trip through the molars ended, I took a bit of a rest at the Incisors, pausing only to gas up for more intense molar excavating. July 18, 2004 10:53PM The Kiss - Rosey The Tell - Oh Rosey! Not the best looking girl in a room of not-so-good-looking-girls, but her mouth is the stuff that adolescent boy's dreams are made of. Her watermelon lipstick teased, her Dentyne Ice dazed, and her pierced tongue stunned. One minute into the lip-lock I was out for the count, and I had to take a rain check. July 18, 2004 11:08PM The Kiss - Rosey The Tell - My rain check was immediately validated with another kiss. Her breath stinking of whiskey and some kind of exotic milk substance (definitely dairy, possibly gouda cheese or skim milk), my senses were turned upside down. Bad was good, ugly was beautiful, and curfew was ignored. We swapped the worn out Dentyne Ice carefully from mouth to mouth, never letting the gum expire to the floor, as I was expecting. I left with the Dentyne Ice in my mouth, and a smile fit for a boy who just passed his presidential fitness exam. So there you have your first Kiss and Tell. Hope it was enlightening. But we're not done just yet. Now I graciously take the time to answer a few questions that emailers have sent to my trusty email bag: From Bruce39@excite.com from Alta Loma: Jeff, last week you claimed Nadia's kiss was a divine creation. I wish I could find a kiss like that. Maybe I'm not hanging out at the right spots. Any advice? Bruce Bruce, Try hanging out with Nadia in El Monte. Her kiss was a divine creation. Call her (310) 435-4931. Tell her you kissed Jeff and he said it was good. Then tell her you want to kiss her too, and tell her I said it would be ok for him to french you. You're welcome. From elmontesnadia@hotmail.com from El Monte: Jeff I can't believe you told everybody about our kiss. So... tacky!! I only did it because I was way drunk and you would not let up. I regret ever meeting you. Anyways, do not call me ever again. You're pathetic. Nadia, We sure did share a special night and a passionate embrace. What you say is "tacky" I say is "an expression of sincere beauty." I'm an artist and that beauty needs to be graphically described to my loyal readership. Thank you Nadia; call me when you understand the true poetry that our kiss created. That is the end of the email bag! Until next time my special Kiss and Tellers! |
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
| lunchboxing.com 2003 | all content © | all rights reserved | suck it so hard | feel the rhythm of the night |
