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Ideal Summer Vacations [Ed.-Jeff Berson has written three columns for Lunchboxing since 1983. His last article, "Ideal Winter Retreats" appeared in 1997, after which he received several requests for a follow-up. Nearly six years later, Berson has finally made the time to collect his thoughts and offer this exciting article to his fans...] Howdy-Howdy-Ho! Ahoy, my loyal vacationers!! After many years of jet setting around this globe of ours, I have finally found some time to take a load off and catch up on current events. Four years of backpacking in Cambodia, without access to television, radio, or newspapers, has allowed me to focus 100% on my travels, making them that much more meaningful and enjoyable. But before I pick up the USA Today, I owe my readers the long overdue article I promised everyone I'd write before my most recent sojourn, but never had the chance to get to: "Ideal Summer Vacations". Well, it's been a few years, but I think it's safe to say that the world hasn't changed much in that time. So with no further ado, here is a Summer trip that I highly recommend. The vacation destination I speak of is sure to lead you off the beaten trail. Nestled within the Middle East's Fertile Crescent rests a beautiful and majestic desert oasis. A beautiful nation called Iraq. Known for its' friendly citizens and stable government, Iraq welcomes Americans with open arms. Their regime, led by the honorable and fun-loving Saddam Hussein, has done everything possible in recent years to insure that Iraq will be on the top of Americans' travel wish lists for many years to come. I was there in 1983, and here are some exciting highlights: Touring the Iraqi National Museum of Antiquities. This museum has so much ancient history to offer, with exhibits dating back from Mesopotamian civilization to the end of Islam's Abbasid Caliphate in 1258 A.D.. I spent a good two days just soaking in the history of the Middle Ages exhibit alone. One highlight was getting to see the ancient sarcophaguses in the East Wing. Such amazing heritage demands to be preserved until the end of time, and it looks to be in good hands. Ask for a tour guide named Hyaline, but don't let him pick up the check at lunch like I did. I felt like an absolute mule! Great photo opportunity in the heart of downtown Baghdad in front of giant statue of Saddam Hussein. This statue has stood the test of time and will be standing for many generations. I whipped out my Polaroid and blasted some hot pics of myself in front of the statue, saluting "Iraq's Main Man." 
Bargain hunting at the Main Marketplace in Baghdad. I had some great wins in bidding wars for bananas, eggs, and nut clusters. Needless to say, it was thrilling and made me one happy (not to mention FULL) American. I digested my bounty as the evening cast its' shadow over the majestic presidential palace of Mr. Hussein. Taking a tour of Saddam's Presidential Palace. This estate was extravagance at it's best, and as such was highly secured. I would have second thoughts about trying to break into this place, shoplifters. Trespassers beware!! Tourists welcome!! Day of spelunking in the oil fields. Iraq has numerous oil fields, which make great playgrounds for the young and old alike. I spent a lot of my time doing barrel rolls, and competing in barrel races with young Iraqi rapscallions! After a day of working up a healthy sweat, I re-matched my new pre-teen Iraqi pals, Muzeel and Urtsi, to a best-of-three race battle (bragging rights at stake!) My British compatriot, Nigel, joined my side. It was Iraq vs. USA and the UK, and to tell you the truth, it wasn't much of a fight. It might be more aptly described as a blood bath. The young Iraqis didn't play fair, and were easily out-maneuvered by our superior tactics! A journey north on the back of a camel to Tikrit. Just north of Baghdad, lies a quaint city where folks are downright accommodating! The birthplace of Mr. Hussein also provided me a great opportunity to flex my tourist muscles. The old Polaroid got many fine shots of yet another presidential palace. There is no reason to keep Tikrit a secret! 
So there you have only a few of the many highlights of my fabulous trip through Iraq. Twenty-one years later, I would imagine ther are even more exciting things to do. My source for exciting and new happenings in Iraq, Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf, is a real straight shooter. He has yet to return my calls about new tourist attractions in Iraq, but knowing Mohammed, he's probably on vacation himself, working on his killer tan or shopping for the latest designer beret! Anyways, no matter how you attack it, you're going to love invading Iraq. You'll be sure to be Iraqi's next POW (Prisoner of Wow!) This place is unreal and the Iraqi love for Americans makes the trip that much more fun. I never got a chance to personally thank Mr. Saddam Hussein for all the fun I had all those years ago, so if you see him, tell that Jeff "Trav-Saav" says Howdy-Howdy-Ho! If you've already been to Iraq, stay tuned for next week's article where I will unveil my next vacation destination recommendation. I don't want to give too much away, but let's just say, you'll have a blast in Damascus. See you guys next week. An esteemed alumnus of The College of the Canyons in Saugus, CA., Berson specialized in Traveling Classes including Sight Seeing 50, Diary Keeping 10 and Photography 1A. After graduating in 1981, Berson took his first trip to Grenada. He then went to Iraq in 1982, and Russia in 1987. No one has any record of Berson from 1988-1996, but he reemerged with an outstanding summer travel piece about a journey to Uzbekistan in 1997. Clearly a renaissance man, Berson enjoys using his Polaroid and has made a promise to himself that he will learn how to use a computer. Jeff will turn 26 in June. |
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