baruti armstrong [ email ] [ mic.edu ]
When he's not busy fighting off the humidity of Kuala
Lampur looking for records, making day trips to
Bangsar to drink whiskey with ex-pats, trying to pick
up the local language, or trying to charter new "pool
hop" spots, Robotsex writes about living in Malaysia.
He warns not to expect anything too fancy from The
Baruti Column since, "I never make any sense." Not
only that but as a hopeless romantic, he's sort of crazy as well. Note: that hopeless romantic thing probably
isnit true.
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jason betrue [ email ] [ devilsmurf.com ]
Milk, Sugar, Light Bulbs, Deodorant, Cheese, Cat Food, Pens, Almond Joy, Dr. Pepper, Double-A Batteries, Socks-maybe, Cigarettes, Stamps, Pita Bread, Coffee, Alfredo Sauce, Strawberry Quik, Serrano Chiles, Lined Paper, Southern Comfort, Sunflower Seeds, Avocados.
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jeff berson [ email ] [ website ]
He'll sock you in the face and split your skull all over the place, and while you're on the floor bleeding, he'll be freaking your lady. Then when you look up, he'll be riding off on the scooter your mom got you for your Chanukah. Hannukah. Chanukah.
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chrissie canino [ email ] [ lunchboxing.com ]
Chrissie was the first and only robot made with female genitalia. She prefers to be addressed by her moniker Gort20, not Johnny5. Thanks to affirmative action, her work can finally be seen on lunchboxing.com.
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dan fazio [ email ] [ website ]
Dan is a 6'1" point guard with court vision and ambidexterous moves to
the
basket. His favorite fish is Orange Roughy. Contact him if you need a
good
piece of writing for your website, magazine, diary or multi-million
dollar
marketing campaign.
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jamie flam [ email ] [ strange magic ]
jamie got his degree in Religious Studies from U.C. Santa Barbara in 1999. Today he is a receptionist. He likes music, things that are funny and writing in the third person.
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toast [ email ] [ digitaltoaster.org ] [ ryankamins.com ]
Figuratively known as Ryan Kamins, toast was recently exiled from Japan for his involvement in an elaborate video game hoax and now plots revenge from his underwater lair.
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frankie koeller [ email ] [ the jim yoshi pile-up ]
Frankie is a very rich man who lives in a diamond shaped house in the
Oakland Hills. The house is also made of diamonds...and gold. He lives
with his Bichon Frise named Stingy. Frankie and Stingy like to look
through their expensive telescopes down at the poor people who live off
Telegraph Avenue. You poor suckers. Frankie would love for you to come
over, because Stingy needs his weekly worming.
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travis lodolce [ email ] [ picture ]
Travis LoDolce has a bathroom routine unlike any other. All
deodorant application, gargling of water, and Q-tip swabs are divisible by 4. As a
result he has perfect hair and a winning smile. Oh look, it's directed
toward you. Now that you and Travis are friends, Travis would like to
know if he could borrow fifty dollars.
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maus [ email ] [ website ]
pete(maus)yang- freelance visual storyteller. As a product or
sucker of MTV in the 80's, has a fixation on the horizontal
axis. Now living in NYC in an attempt to bring the mullet back
into style and to attain a MFA degree in broadcast design at Parsons.
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pete nicely [ sattler report ]
Pete Nicely was born in a tiny Mexican village in 1947.
His father was a mariachi violinist who taught him music.
Pete took the music world by storm in 1969, with his fiery
performance at Woodstock. And he was the first guitarist
to skillfully blend rock with Latin music, blues, and
Afro-Cuban rythms to create a unique sound. In the late
'90's, he went on to release an album of collaboration
with younger artists including Lauryn Hill, Rob Thomas,
and Wyclef Jean. The album went on to become an
international smash success, selling over 13 million
copies and appealing to all generations.
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charlie padow [ email ] [ website ]
A reincarnation of the oft-reviled 15th Century Dutch finger painter Hendrick Hoogaboom, this aspiring political cartoonist passes his time making moonshine,
collecting Mr. T memorabilia and hawking knit quilts of Pat Nixon on Ebay.
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quarterbar [ email ] [ website ]
Woops! Quarterbar fell down. He was walking two big
dogs and the leashes got criss-crossed... and look out
below!! Right into the mud. Messed up his pants and
his white blazer. Guess he'll have to find another
outfit to wear to the dormitory dance. Shux!
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mike senese [ email ] [ Stinky Ninja! ]
The wise boy, the naughty boy. He exemplifies the American dream in raw, unadulterated personality and flashy goooooood looks.
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mike spiegelman [ email ] [ spiegelmania! ]
Comedian MIKE SPIEGELMAN is very funny and you should
hire him for your next high-paying writing assignment.
He is a founder of sketch group Fresh Robots, and you
should still hire him.
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eric steuer [ email ] [ weapon-shaped.com ]
eric s. recently went out on a date with your sister. it was kind of weird because he's friends with you and everything. but don't worry, eric was a perfect gentleman and nothing too sexy happened between him and your sister.
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chris weisbart [ email ] [ Talosian Motion Pictures ]
There are really no words to describe the phenomena Chris Weisbart.
With a
voice that can encompass the most intimate whisper and the soaring
"bel
canto" that is surely his trademark, he does it all. His ebullience and
natural warmth connect with every kind of audience. While on tour in
South
America, he was given his own Christmas Special, based simply on a
charisma
that knows no boundaries, international or otherwise. Not speaking very
much
Spanish, he couldn't really tell how he was doing, but "...every time I
said
something, the audience would laugh. I guess I was the American version
of
Charo...".
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